My Dearest Christopher,
I didn't leave my job. I couldn't. I bought a house. Which means you don't have my address any more. But I am only one street over, and your step sister rented the other house, so if you knock on the door, they will bring you to me. I am of course also still at WH. Where you know you will always find me. I couldn't leave, because that is the only thing I still have that was ours. :(
I talked to you a while back. You told me that you were happy where you are and that you didn't want anything else to do with me. I have had a lot of thoughts about that phone call. But the main one is that I don't believe that was "you" talking. I believe she made you do it. And I believe you are doing what you need to do to survive. And I don't blame you for that at all. You are my son, you have the strength to survive. I just hope you are okay. Surviving can take it's toll on a person. And you are so young to have to survive so much. I am sorry for that.
I am having dreams of you quite frequently. The same nightmare over and over, but there are "good" dreams in there, too. Not good in the fact that it is emotionally harmful to you in the dreams, but good in the fact that you are surviving. I know dreams are not fact, and I know that you are not deprived of your phone at night. I do believe that you don't have my number, but that is a given. I want to tell you one of those dreams.
You called me in the middle of the night, apologizing for waking me up so late. I told you that it was okay, that you could call me any time. You told me in the dream that it was the first night that she forgot to take your phone to bed with her, and they watch you all day. So it was the first chance you had gotten to call me. You made me promise to come and get you the day you turned 18. I promised.
It may just be a dream, and I understand that you may not want to see me. But nothing changes the fact that I will be there the day you turn 18. I have to tell you that I love you. And I have to tell you that I am always here. And that I will always be here. So even if you don't want me now. You may want me one day. And I don't want you to ever think that it has been too long, and I may have changed my mind. I promise, it will never be too long. My love for you will never fade. I love you Pooh Bear. I hope you know that.
Love Always,
Mama
