My Dearest Christopher,
I dreamed about you last night. For some reason, Angie had put you back into public school. When you got off the bus the first day you ran away and came to my house. I opened the door and there you stood, crying... You told me, "Remember, I said I would always come back." Then you were crying. You apologized for having questions that were used to tear us apart. I assured you that you had done nothing wrong. You were right to have questions. Then you said, "Mama, I have to know... Why did you give me away?" My heart broke then just as surely as it did when you were 2. When I "gave you away." How can I answer that? How can I help you see that isn't what happened, when even I feel like that is exactly what happened? How do I ask you to forgive me, when I hate myself so much? How do I make this right?
I know I can't make it right. I know that all I can do is wait and hope that one day you give me the chance to answer your questions. And I can hope that we can both forgive me for what I've done. I love you Pooh Bear. You are always in my thoughts.
Love Always,
Mama
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